GET HARD

2,5 stars (out of 5)

Kevin Hart has a huge following in America and a puzzlingly big one here too, and he just keeps on churning ‘em out, although this latest is interesting as he’s forced to share the schticky spotlight with a comic player even more shamelessly over-the-top than him (and about three feet taller too): Will Ferrell, who’s looking older and rubberier but can still turn on the hammiest ham if necessary.

James King (Will) is a super-rich hedge fund manager who thinks he has it all: a luxury mansion in Bel Air, a recent offer of partnership with boss Martin (Craig T Nelson), and Martin’s untrustworthy daughter Alissa (Alison Brie, a long way from TV’s Community) preparing an expensive engagement party for her and James (but mostly her). However, James is arrested halfway through James Mayer’s cameo, foolishly fights charges of embezzlement and is then sentenced to 10 years in San Quentin, with a mere month to get his affairs in order. With no one else to turn to, he offers $30000 to the guy who usually washes his car, Darnell (Kevin), to help him ‘get hard’ for prison, under the dubious notion that Darnell’s a former jailbird (well…). Darnell needs cash to move house and accepts, and soon James’ house is converted into a mock-prison, Darnell’s smacking him around and pretending to stab him every five seconds, and the two of them are trying desperately to make the gormless James ‘trash talk’ properly, and, when all that fails, they wonder if maybe he should just give in and practice gay sex instead (maybe he’ll develop a taste for it and actually enjoy it when locked up?). But no, director Etan Cohen (not Ethan Coen!!!) and his six credited writers (!!!) aren’t having any of that, and the plot resolves itself into a series of other oh-so-‘inappropriate’ episodes involving a white supremacist meeting, a bunch of gangstas who love Boyz N The Hood, a prison riot rehearsal in which a baboon has a mysterious cameo (???), and more.

Relentlessly silly, this tries hard to shock with the usual potty-mouth shrieking and possibly censored penis close-ups and yet, believe it or not (and deep breath…), Will and Kevin aren’t quite as dreadful as you might be expecting here, and while it’s still deeply ludicrous and embarrassing, you’ve certainly seen worse. Maybe if you laugh more than once you can plead temporary insanity?