SERENA

2.5 stars (out of 5)

Reportedly a troubled project (it was filmed in the Czech Republic in between the stars’ other pics together, Silver Linings Playbook and American Hustle, and might have been directed by Noah’s Darren Aronofsky at one point), this lame 1929-set drama would be almost laughable if it weren’t so tedious.

Helmed by Danish filmmaker Susanne Bier and drawn from Ron Rash’s novel, this takes place in America’s Smoky Mountains after the Wall Street Crash, and we meet George Pemberton (Bradley Cooper), a noble Yank struggling to create a timber empire in the wilderness. Rattlesnakes, accidents and other clichés plague the work, though, and local sheriff McDowell (Toby Jones) is also making things difficult with his political skullduggeries (and show-off accent), and while all this is happening, George meets Serena (Jennifer Lawrence), a pouty blonde with a tragic past. And the two duly fall in love, get hitched and have ‘strong’ (but not really) sex scenes, as Serena helps with George’s business while acting like Katharine Hepburn’s crazy sister or some gung-ho ‘70s feminist. And then the plot gets really wobbly: Serena falls pregnant (she says the line, “I’ve got your baby inside me!”, as if suddenly transformed into a five year old); George turns against his pal and business partner Buchanan (David Dencik); McDowell sniffs around and discovers bribery in George’s business dealings; George’s previous sex life becomes an issue; his creepy henchman Galloway (over-the-top Rhys Ifans) takes an obsessive shine to Serena; and Lawrence’s titular heroine starts to lose it, which mostly means that she forgets to dye and iron her hair.

An embarrassing mess, this is one of those movies where the story behind the production was surely more interesting than the finished product, and it’s certainly far sillier and cheesier than director Bier’s other pics (like Love Is All You Need or the original Danish Brothers/Brødre). However, Lawrence’s sleazier fans might care to remember it as the first movie where this Oscar-winning star has what can only be described as digital bath-time fun with Bradley, in a ‘sensual’ sequence that’s as cringe-making as they come.